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Chocolate Hills of Bahol, Philippines

Hi everybody. Do you like my new website ‘header’?

The picture in my header is about the Chocolate Hills of Bahol, here in the Philippines. I thought I would take a few minutes and put this post together to tell you all about the Chocolate Hills of Bahol. In my story, the names have been changed to protect the innocent, (Joe Friday told me to add that for legal reasons 🙂 ).

First, let me give you the Legend, you will find this on Wikipedia (I have a link below). After the Legend, you will get the True story about the Chocolate Hills of Bahol, Philippines. My story is -100% true…that’s right…I would never lie to you :).

Legend
According to Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chocolate_Hills)

Four legends explain the formation of the Chocolate Hills. The first tells the story of two feuding giants who hurled rocks, boulders, and sand at each other. The fighting lasted for days, and exhausted the two giants. In their exhaustion, they forgot about their feud and became friends, but when they left they forgot to clean up the mess they had made during their battle, hence the Chocolate Hills.

A more romantic legend tells of a giant named Arogo who was extremely powerful and youthful. Arogo fell in love with Aloya, who was a simple mortal. Aloya’s death caused Arogo much pain and misery, and in his sorrow he could not stop crying. When his tears dried, the Chocolate Hills were formed.

The third legend tells of a town being plagued by a giant carabao, who ate all of their crops. Finally having had enough, the townsfolk took all of their spoiled food and placed it in such a way that the carabao would not miss it. Sure enough, the carabao ate it, but his stomach couldn’t handle the spoiled food, so he defecated, leaving behind him a mound of feces, until he had emptied his stomach of the food. The feces then dried, forming the Chocolate Hills.

The last legend is about a gluttonous giant named Miguel that eats everything in his path. One day he came to a plain. He saw a beautiful young woman named Adrianna. To win her affection, he needed to lose weight. So he excreted everything he ate. In the end, his fecal matter covered the land and he won Eng’s affection.

Now the TRUE Storey of the Chocolate Hills of Bahol, Philippines

A whole array of Dinosaurologyst have long studied the Chocolate Hills of Bahol, Philippines and a few years ago finally found out how they were made. Here are their ‘true’ findings.

Eons ago, during the Great Ice Age, and because more water was taken up into ice, the ocean levels were much lower. This lower water level made what is now the Philippines into one great land mass called “PhilAsia” one of the larger separate continents in the Pacific, considered to be just a little larger than what is now Austrailia. Additionally there was a land bridge from PhilAsia to Malaysia on the South and Taiwan and Japan on the North.

This, of course, besides being the Great Ice Age, was also during the time of the Dinosaurs. Dinosaurs, as I am sure you know were those large (and small) creatures that roamed the earth just before God made man. Anyways, there was a small set of Dinosaurs that roamed through northern PhilAisa, believed to have never migrated outside of the PhilAisa Continent. They were known at that time by the PhilAisa residents as Chocolatae Erectus Poopus. Chocolatae Erectus Poopus was a plant eating mammal Dinosaur, who were known for their enormous height…about 15 stories by today’s standards with large bodies and big head, teeth and feet. It was said they looked like a Dinosaur version of Buda. They were also known for their ravenous appetite and desire to ‘do it’, ‘mate’, have sex whenever they were not eating.

Well, as the Great Ice Age came to an end, the ice melted and the oceans rose, causing much of PhilAsia to flood, leaving what is now the 7000 plus islands of the Philippines. So what about the Dinosaurs you ask? Well, the Chocolatae Erectus Poopus was a strange Dinosaur that only ate Pineapple, Rice and Papaya. As the waters rose from the melting of the Great Ice Age the Chocolatae Erectus Poopus was forced to migrate south and found themselves eventually cut off from all other land masses and isolated on a small island in the Philippines, what is now called Bahol.

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And here is where the very strange story of the poor Dinosaur, Chocolatae Erectus Poopus takes a sad turn. You see, at that time, there were no rice, no pineapple and no papaya. The only plants on the island of Bahol were Cocoa Bean Plants and Natural Sugar Cane Plants. These two plants were not the natural plants the Chocolatae Erectus Poopus Dinosaur ate. So in trying to adapt, the unthinkable happened. The Chocolatae Erectus Poopus Dinosaure started eating the Cocoa Bean Plants and the Natural Sugar Cane Plants. In those large ‘pot bellies’ Chocolatae Erectus Poopus  the cooking started and it affected the Chocolatae Erectus Poopus Dinosaure’s large bodies in two ways;

First, they got an enormous sugar rush that had never before been seen on planet earth and will probably never be seen again. This sugar rush and heightened energy level caused the Chocolatae Erectus Poopus Dinosaure’s to become very Horney. They stated “Doing It,” “having sex,” all of them, at the same time…just sexing (like we do texting) each other all over the place, all over the island of Bahol…Oral Dinosaur Sex, Anal Dinosaur Sex, Regular Dinosaur Sex…they were even having sex with their own sex…yeah, you guessed it, Homosexual Dinosaur Sex (it was gross! L). It was truly ONE GIANT DINOSAUR ORGY…wow, can you imagine?

Secondly, the mixture of the Cocoa Bean Plants and the Natural Sugar Cane Plants started mixing in the Giant Chocolatae Erectus Poopus Dinosaur’s hot ‘Pot Bellied’ stomachs. This cooked the two plants together causing the two to become what we now know today as Chocolate (like Hershey’s Chocolate). This Chocolate in the stomachs of the Chocolatae Erectus Poopus Dinosaur gave the poor giant Dinosaurs Diarrhea causing the Chocolatae Erectus Poopus Dinosaur to poop large mounds of Pure Chocolate. As they pooped, the poop fell to the ground in large mounds, similar to the look of many unwrapped Hershey’s Kisses…(hum, do you think Mr. Hershey got his Kisses product idea from his visit to Bahol? I wonder???)

Once this started, the Chocolatae Erectus Poopus Dinosaure’s Sex and the Chocolatae Erectus Poopus Dinosaure’s Diarrhea, well, the combination proved to be leathal for the poor Chocolatae Erectus Poopus Dinosaures. After about a week or so of this pooping orgy, all of the poor Chocolatae Erectus Poopus Dinosaure’s died of dehydration from the diarrhea and heart attacks from the constant orgys. The Dinosaurologyst that have been studying the demise of the Chocolatae Erectus Poopus Dinosaure are still not sure.

So now you know the truth about the origins of the Chocolate Hills of Bahol, the origins of Hershey’s Kisses (maybe) and where all of the most pure and best Chocolate in the world comes from…The Philippines!

You now know too why Filipina’s love to get chocolates as a gift from their Mahal!




3 Responses to “Chocolate Hills of Bahol, Philippines”

  1. cliff1960 says:

    Lol thats a funny story.

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